Monday, September 29, 2008

How I Stop The Terrible 2 Crying Tantrum

Terrible Two??!! Heard and seen before but I don't remember having this problem with my 2 girls when they were 2yrs old. Of course, they cried, but never those tantrum crying (throwing oneself onto the ground, non-stop crying...).

Very lucky of me? Not really. Try having tantrum threw by 6/7yrs old and you will very much prefer the 2yrs old darling's crying tantrum. At least, the 2yrs old baby looks cute and pathetic when he throw his weights around. But a 6/7yrs old can really make your blood boiled above the boiling point! Steamed

Back to my boy, his crying tantrum started with just normal crying till what he wanted landed in his hands. As his crying grew fiercer with times, I told everyone in the house to stop giving in to his crying demand. Only when he is able to ask properly then will the thing be given. This lead to him crying more and started those "force-vomit" cries.

I'm seldom home till evening and thus, didn't know about this new crying fits of his. Helper loves him a lot and thus, whenever he cried this way, she will carry him and give in to him. So, during one of those weekend, he cried that way again all because he wanted his jiejie's pencil!! I'm glad this happen at home so I can put a stop to this rather than having him play this game in public. It would be damn embarrassing!

I believe many moms out there would not agree to my "teaching" method, but I find this the most effective method to use even on my 6/7yrs old.

The video below may be uncomfortable to view by some...

When he started his crying fit, I told him to stop crying in a very calm tone. He refused to listen and kept on crying. I just sat there and waited for him to stop, occasionally, reminding him to stop before I will hug him. He sees no progress with me and thus look at my helper, giving those eye contact to ask her to carry him. My helper know better to interfere and thus, told him to stop and listen to mommy first.

The 2 jiejies felt the heartache and kept telling me to stop making him cry. Especially Rachel. She wanted to go over to hug him to stop his cry. Told the 2 girls to move off and helper explained to them that mommy is doing their little brother good.

He cried. He vomited. I still refused to give in. Can see that my helper felt the heartache too, so I brought him into my bedroom and let him continue his cry. He cried and vomited many times and finally realised that this crying doesn't work anymore and slowly, he stop. Once he stop, I gave him a big hug and explained to him that he cannot cry this way again. He nodded his head and I asked him to say "sorry" which he did.

Carry him out and washed him up while my helper cleaned up my room. She commented that the room look like a war zone with all the vomit patches everywhere.

After I changed him, reminded him again that he is not to cry this way again and whatever he wants, he has to ask properly. He nodded his head.

He did cry this way again after the "lesson" but whenever I said "stop crying" he stop immediately. Now, he didn't cried anymore, just normal soft whining like this.


4MalMal said...

Agree totally with what you had done. We never give in to mal's whining or crying and he has since learned that he can't get what he wants by doing that.

Ling That's Me said...

I am sure you feel heartache too, but you want him to understand that by crying does not get what he wants.

I also have the same teaching to my son.

Angeline said...

Yo Yo!!!! *clap clap clap*
if he cried for other reasons, of cos I won't agree with you...but for the reason of not getting his way...nah I'm on your side...'cos I DID THE SAME THING TOO for my 2 boys! *wink*

Blessed mum said...

4malmal, ling, angeline - thanks for your support! When I posted this video, I was actually prepared for all the lectures that its not the right way to teach little kids..

Its really pain me seeing him cry this way but I can't gave in to his whining/crying or he will use this trick on us every time..which is bad.

HN said...

I am totally agree with you! We (hubby&I)used this method on our little one since he was 6 months old .. That time, we were training him to sleep by himself (no co-sleeping)... For the first week, he cried for nearly ONE hour on his crib (both of us felt so heartache standing outside the bedroom door)).. Till now, my boy(who is 14 months old now) seldom cry.. But I know the "Terrible Two or Horrible Three" syndrome are coming on my way :P

U.Lee said...

Hi Blessed mom, read your this posting with interest.
Kids always want their way and once we give in to their cry or tantrums, thats it....we for love now will spoil him.

My wife and I never gave in...below 2 years yes, after that we ignore him, no matter he throws up or cry till hoarse....and after several days, he gave up.
And like you, we too told him only if he stops crying will he get our love.

You know, one day...he was 6 years old...he had seen me throw away my cigarette in the drain, but had missed.

As I walked into the house, I noticed him picking it up. My wife and I observed him behind the door.
He tried to imitate me and puffed away at the almost finished cigarette butt.
I guess he inhaled...and the next thing was, he started coughing and choking, tears came out, he started throwing, practically rolling on the grass, but knowing what he did was wrong, he cried but not making a sound.

My wife struggling with me to run to him help him seeing his whole face and body dirty with his throwing up. I held her back, still watching him.

He then very slowly crawled to the garden tap and washed himself...then sneaked into the house via the rear door and quietly changed his clothes.

We pretended not to know anything.
And Blessed mom...I am proud to say, I have two grown up sons, both don't smoke...never smoked.

By the way, thank you for your interesting comment in my blog...ha ha.
Blessed mom, if you got nothing better to do, kids asleep...take a peek at my archives...there's a story of a beautiful matured lady in love with a man half her age, (guess who?), titled ,'A faded letter from the past'. D/d 1/4/08.

It is the longest story I have posted, 19 episodes, took 3 weeks to 2 episodes every three days.
Love knows no boundaries. Best regards, Lee.

U.Lee said...

I forgot...just posted a new story this morning. Drop by if free. Have a nice weekend, Lee.

Baby Darren said...

Oh poor boy..he cried so bad in the video and the vomit...but thank God your method works and the effort not wasted.

Darren is showing his terrible two a lot lately. Difference is when Darren cried, he will pull and pull us until sometimes he will fall backwards.

This terrible two is really testing our patience.

renet13 said...

I support u in doing that cz I do that ,too. No regrets after that coz the little fella really learn when I did the same for the cheh cheh i written in one of my older post which u have responded too. Once they see that mommy's heart so hard like a stone when they try to get their way..they will realise they dont gain n their mom wont give in to them. Very useful tactic to control them when i have to handle 4 in my hubby's absence!

Mommy to Chumsy said...

ahhh..glad he is a good boy and listens to mommy later. ashley is like that too...throwing tantrums and start rolling on the floor like a bollywood actress - the Horrible Three stage. we don't give in to her demands, even when we are at the mall. some people would like at us as if we just tortured our kid :D

Blessed mum said...

Hn - Thanks for popping over :)

It must be really heart pain to see your 6mths baby cry for 1 hour!! but we know all this hardening of our hearts is necessary for the good of the kids.

don't worry too much about the terrible may not come..not all kids goes through this..

uncle Lee - thaks for your takes a lot not to rush over to stop your son from puffing the 1st time...i really got a lot to learnt from you.

Will pop over to check out your archives once my girl's exam is over :)

Take care!

Baby darren - really test our patience..but lucky thing is, they still cute at this age, so our patience are not so mentioned in my post, the tantrum from 6/7yrs old is 5x worst!

Renet13 - Yes, I remembered that post. not easy being a mom and in your case, a mom of 4!!

mommy to chumsy - understand how you feel when kids throw tantrum in public...When we see such happenings, I used such examples to teach the kids telling them how they look if they throw tantrum in public.

Leona said...

Really bravo to you and your perseverance. I normally give in too easily and now i am experiencing the consequences.

Thanks.. your post has taught me that it is possible and to endure it eventho there are vomit patches everywhere!!!

Sarah's Daddy and Mommy said...

Very pity Nicholas when I watch how he cried.
But I think you have done the right thing.

Blessed mum said...

leona - You are welcome..i have to or face having such tantrum in public, which would be very embarassing!

Sarah mom&dad - my heartache too but I have to be tough.. Thanks for your agreement.

My Lovely 'A' said... daughter also happened to be like that...'force vomitting'sometimes. Hubby always give in but me..I will just walk away. Luckly, this situation only happned at home and now she has stop it. As for your case, I 100% support you. Glad to know he has learnt the lesson.

Blessed mum said...

my lovely 'A' - thanks so much for popping over. I'm so glad to have all the support on this..i was a little worry of getting bombarded for surprised at all the support given!


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