Since we gotten our new place, my SIL and MIL had been the topic of our near daily arguments and both hubby and I are tired of it. Its not that I started the fire, its MIL and SIL that did. At the end of every visit by them, Hubby and I would end up arguing after they left and the last incident really is the last straw for me!
It all begin this way:
Before the idea of in-laws coming over to stay with us, we have ample rooms for everyone in our family... the girls will share one room while the boys in one. We even have a big study room for the kids and I to do our work + a guest room/ playroom.
So now, with in-laws and SIL coming, we (my kids and I) are left without an area to do our work. Yes, of course, the kids can study in the dining/living area, even their own room. But I need a place to work and hubby needs too when he is at home. Now we are sharing the same work area and he couldn't stand my style (I have lots of KIV and paper works, so desk is usually filled with papers and stuff). So, I suggested to "built" a room outside our bedroom at the balcony area while hubby pointed out that we can share the BIG room with SIL instead. I was reluctant.
We had given her a big room and yet she still make a fuss over it. So I told hubby the next night that I will take up his suggestion (to share the room with her). I know I did it out of spike and anger. Although she is such an ungrateful brat, I felt terrible inside that I have turn myself into Cinderella's stepmother. Felt so evil...guilty feeling?? I don't know but my thinking was that I am only allowing her to be with us till she turns 21 and out she goes..the most I gave her till 24 years old. I'm not going to have her till she decides to marry off..what if she doesn't?!
One week later, they came again and hubby broke the decision to them. Right away, MIL protested in her usual discreet way, telling hubby "This isn't very good idea, right? What if your sister make too much noise while the kids are studying? Also, you have 4 children. Think long term, with only that half, it would not be enough, isn't it?" Hubby kept quiet.
Hubby reprimanded me that night for shutting other people's kind suggestion. He said that MIL is just being nice and worried for the kids being disturb by SIL if they were to share the same room.
Since that night, we have been arguing on where the room should be. I know my stand was not make with clear cool mind but I just couldn't control my anger whenever I thought of what SIL said and how MIL maneuver the whole thing.
We finally came to the conclusion to give it a try and plans were made to divide the room.
They came and SIL rushed upstairs to "her" room with a bag of things. Rachel was with her and Rachel told her that that room is not only hers but theirs too. They were talking and Rachel shouted for me saying that SIL is putting things up on the wall. SIL standing at her halve of the room asking me "Is THAT their study room?" I replied "Yes" and I walked off, not wanting to talk to her.
When I came back out, I met her at the stairs and she stomped passed me and showed me her white eyes!! What the shit she think she is!!! Yet, I still kept my cool. Only after they left did I know that she actually cried and complained to PIL and hubby that I said that room was not hers!! When did I said that!!! I only says "yes" to her question if half of the room belongs to the girls!! Hubby said that though SIL is rude but by what I said, I was the one that started the provocation!! He went on to give a stupid example "if you stared at someone and got beaten up, when the police question you, you think you did not do anything which provocate the other person, but by staring, you are asking for trouble."
What made matter worst is the next day, MIL brought SIL to hubby's office and do what she is best at. She made SIL apologise to him and MIL told hubby to "forget about it" and don't pursue the incident with me anymore. Hubby interpret that MIL is scared of me but I know her well. Its not she is scared of me, she is trying to be the Mrs Nice in front of him. And by telling hubby to forget about the incident meant that I was in the wrong and they are forgiving me!!!! ARHhhhh...super angry!!
Throughout the week, the tension in our house was so high. Any mentioned of SIL's name will see both of us really to "fight" in words. It really affected me and I totally have no more mood to cook or do anything. I tried to talk myself out of this anger but I really was mad.
Then, Hubby commended one night that the food was so boring, every day the same stuff. My reply to him was "when a woman gave up the kitchen, it also means the woman had given up on the family" He knows this time I was truly angry. After dinner that night, I gave him the ultimatum. If he insist on SIL coming in, the children and I will move out. I can't stand the sight of them anymore. I cannot bring myself to be a hypocrite. I am a person that show all my emotion on my face, I cannot pretend to welcome them when they had caused us so many unhappy nights.
Only after the ultimatum was served, hubby finally decided to sit through and talked about the whole thing and addressed my feelings without ending up quarrelling. The decision make that night was, instead building it for our study, we are going to make it as SIL room. The kids and I will use the entire room that was meant to be hers.
Am I being mean? Am I unreasonable? It makes her like Cinderella, sleeping outside the house and me the evil/ cruel stepmother.